Perspective Of Yet Another Night Owl

Being a Parent & a Friend
September 25, 2007, 12:20 am
Filed under: Balance, Family, Kids, Life, Love, Parents, Student, Thoughts | Tags: , , , , , , ,

My oldest daughter is and has always been a really good kid.  She is 14 (almost 15), very bright, a good student and makes good decisions.  We talk a lot.  We talk about things that happen in her life, the choices she faces and makes, her school work, her music, her crushes.  I am proud to say that she really impresses me at times with her wisdom.

Tonight we went out to dinner, the whole family. Of course the three kids all started talking at once and telling us about their days.  My youngest held up her hand and suggested we use a fork as a “talking stick” (from Yours Mine & Ours).  My son instantly piped up with “No, you need to have like 16 kids to have one of those.” Meanwhile, my oldest and I share a laugh because OMG!  This “talking stick” conversation did however lead to everyone taking turns to speak. We heard lots of stories through dinner.  

My oldest told us that in biology they will be dissecting a pig fetus and that she has a 102% GPA right now. This is fabulous and she sometimes gets upset that we do not get more excited about it.  We do get excited and are thrilled about it.  She happens to be very academically inclined and puts a lot of time and effort into all things with school, always has.  She has always had extremely high marks.  

My son told us how he won a contest in one of his classes and that he also had the highest grade in his math class so far. This for him is extremely good news, as he is not so inclined to do his school work let alone go the extra mile with it.  Dad and I were excited about this news.  (This is when the oldest gets upset or at least plays upset.)  We do worry about his grades though. It’s not that he can’t do it, he just doesn’t like to and  does just what it takes to get it finished. He manages C’s & B’s with occasional A on his report cards.  But it depends on what class it was and how much he liked it.  

 My youngest was excited about having popcorn tomorrow in her science class because they are doing an experiment.  She loves to do her homework and it’s getting harder now in 3rd grade, but she is doing really well. 

All in all dinner conversation was going well.  When it got back around the table to the oldest, she mentioned something so nonchalantly that I was thrown back a minute and had to replay what I had heard in my head.  Looking at my husband, I could see he was replaying it too.  For a minute there, I know we both thought she was talking to her friends because kids don’t tell their parents these things.  Without getting into too much detail on the blog, I will tell you my daughter told us something a friend had done.  The point is not what was done by her friend, but what my daughter thought about it and the fact that she told us about it very openly and candidly.  We all talked about this, including the younger two.  I was proud that all my kids seemed to share the same sentiments about the situation and I liked the way they were thinking! 🙂

I have noticed that lately when my oldest talks with me, particularly in private, she talks more like she is a close friend than a daughter.  For instance, she used the word “shit” when we were talking once.  I instantly told her that even though I may say it, I didn’t approve of her saying it.  I have since noticed she catches herself every now and again when talking with me, but she is not saying it. Well, at least not saying it in front of me.  I do love that she is comfortable enough to talk to me (apparently about everything), but it’s scary just the same.  Sometimes I just want to say, “Whoa! I am Mom. I don’t want to know.”  But then there is a side of me that says, “Well, if she feels comfortable enough to tell me this, then I know she is making good choices and I get to worry less.”   I don’t want to be one of those Mom’s that is just a Mom or just her daughter’s friend.  I want to be a Mom who is also her daughter’s friend.  

Any one out there been through this in one way or another?  I would love to hear views from Mom’s and Daughters.  Any comments or suggestions on how to keep from crossing the “lines” or how to keep them from blurring are welcome!


5 Comments so far
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It sounds to me like you have a great relationship with your daughter. When I was very young (like, starting first grade maybe), I remember my mom telling me she wanted me to know I could always tell her anything no matter what. She also said she wanted me to tell her everything no matter what and she would not get mad. As a result, I grew up with a mindset that if it was something I wouldn’t want to tell my mom about, then I wouldn’t be involved (if that makes sense). I wasn’t a rebellious kid at all; not that I didn’t do stuff in high school that would have gotten me in some trouble. I think that what you have done is wonderful and you have created a special bond with your daughter that not all moms and daughters have. My mom is my best friend. 🙂

Comment by shadesofpink

My mom and hubby are my best friends. Of course my mom holds the title for sure. After all, blood is blood and marriage is a piece of paper. Not to hold marriage any lighter, but in my world, Mom trumps hubby by a long shot. Sorry, to DH, but it’s a fact. A fact he knows and can live with, so that is good. 🙂

Comment by Semi~Charmed

As a daughter, I can tell you that I think of and miss my Mom’s friendship and unconditional love nearly every day of my life. I tear up thinking of it now with your beautiful post. She was to me like Shades Mom in attitude.

As a Mom, I tried to carry on what I had lived and learned from her.
I felt the same as you. Whoa, where is the line? My daughter is now a Mom and has 2 sons. I wanted and told her many times, if you get out and you are drinking, or the driver is tipsy, don’t hesitate to call, I will pick you up with no questions asked, I just want you to be safe. I also did not have a curfew as I did not want her rushing and having an accident in the process. I told her I expected her home at a reasonable time. I was blessed by our open conversations about many things, but it was scary sometimes, I felt my job was Mom first, and hopefully friend. Guess we just have to go by our own experiences and pray a lot..

sounds to me like you have done a great job
and have a wonderful loving fun relationship.

Comment by msmkpink

You are doing great.

My mother gave me the greatest advice I still follow today, “If you wouldn’t do it in front of your grandma – don’t do it.”

Now, I have named one of my daughter’s after my beloved grandmother.


Comment by Painting Pink Pjs

PPPJ – That is awesome advice and I think I will use it. Thanks. 🙂

I would have probably named one of my girls after my dad’s mom, but her name was “Bumper” (at least that’s what I always called her). 😉

Comment by Krysti (f/k/a Semi~Charmed)

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