Perspective Of Yet Another Night Owl


The Guys’ Rules ~ (As written by a guy)
June 22, 2007, 8:51 am
Filed under: Guys, Humor, Laughs, Life, Love, Random, Thoughts, Truth

I got this in an email and got a big enough laugh that I thought I would share it with you all.

The Guys’ Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

  Finally, the guys’ side of the story.

(I must admit, it’s pretty good.)


 
We always hear “the rules 

from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.  You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1.  Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1.  Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do.  Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.  See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the   other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.  

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. 1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Share this with as many men as you can – to give them a laugh. Share this with as many women as you can – to give them an even bigger laugh.

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12 Comments so far
Leave a comment

This always makes me laugh. No matter how many times I read it before 🙂

Comment by Jagadish

Hi Semi-Charmed, thought I would share another cutie, hope you enjoy it too, it gave me a chuckle. – MK4ME

Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7,
8.
9.
10.

Just smile and send it on. hehehe

Comment by MK4ME

I think I have a new email for my bff and mom! Thanks MK4ME! :))

Comment by Semi~Charmed

“1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Comment by shadesofpink

You’ll like this one, too:

Sociology 101
A new two-year degree is being offered at a national university that many of
you might be interested in:

Becoming A Real Man.
FIRST YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You’re Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers

SECOND YEAR

Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Asking for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001B Cheaper to Keep Her

Comment by shadesofpink

Shades ~ My favorites and my added comment to them are:

ECON 001A What’s Hers is Hers —- My saying has always been “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine!”
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver —- Only been 16 years and he finally got this one!
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary —- Nor are “Dutch Ovens”
MEN 233 Just Say “Yes, Dear” —- My FIL tells him this all the time. You would think he would get it by now.
ECON 001B Cheaper to Keep Her —- Another of my favorites although this may no longer be the case for me.

Comment by Semi~Charmed

Too funny! I agree-what’s yours is mine; what’s mine is mine, too! 😆

Comment by shadesofpink

Might as well add another cutie to the thread. 🙂
Hubby sent it to me, how true is this?

Men Are Just Happier People
>What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put.
>The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate
>is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant.
>You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a
>water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal.
>You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is
>just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut
>on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Graying hair
>adds attraction. Wedding dress~$5000. Tux rental~$100. People never stare
>at your chest when you’re talking to them. The occasional well-rendered
>belch is practically expected. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle
>your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30
>seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
>
>A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own
>jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If
>someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your
>underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than
>enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to
>see wrinkles in your clothes.
>
>Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts
>for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You
>can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
>One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear
>shorts no matter how your legs look. You can “do” your nails with a pocket
>knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can
>do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
>
>No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to
>the men who will enjoy reading it.

Comment by MK4ME

MK4ME – I love it! I will be sharing this with my hubby later today. 🙂

Comment by Semi~Charmed

This site is so true and it is so funny i didnt belive it when i found it but i love it. I have so many guy friends its not funny but this is exactly what they think and its’ nice to know other women will know this too.

Comment by Kasey

This is the version I got 😉

The Guys’ Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ (edited with The Woman’s Response)
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys’ side of the story. (I must admit, it’s pretty good.) We always hear “the rules” From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

That much is obvious, but we live in hope and test you occasionally.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night busting to go and fallen in the toilet because the inconsiderate male left the seat up. There is a hole in the seat too, aim for that and we’ll stop complaining.

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Sunday is fine just don’t take Friday Night, all day Saturday and then expect us to be calm about Sunday.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Have you ever seen several hundred women wrestle over a sweater?

1. Crying is blackmail.

Crying is emotional release as is throwing random objects and slashing the tires of you new ute. Which reaction would you prefer?

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

So you really are as dumb as we thought?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Would you like Tea or Coffee? Yes. Have you ever tried coffee with a tea bag in it?

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

So you aren’t mind readers but we have to mind read to determine whether or not you intend to listen

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.
Chances are she already is.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

Try that in a court of law. “Your Honour I signed that six months ago so it doesn’t count anymore.”

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria ‘s Secret girls, don’t Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
Soap Opera Guys: Fake, Stupid and you have to wait until next season before the make a move. Oh yeah we really want that.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one.

Why would you say things that can be interpreted two ways?

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Remember we think you’re Soap Opera Guy’s, fake and STUPID.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Why? You don’t listen then either.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

Christopher Columbus was NOT looking for America.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.

This is part of advanced English skills. In my grade 4 (see very advanced) class we learned terms like “as red as a rose”. These are real items that can be compared, to assist in describing a scene to someone.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

Discretion is all we ask.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

If you know we are lying then you make your first statement null and void “We are not mind readers.”

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

We’ve now discovered that you are actually mind readers. Perhaps you should read out mind and tell us what we want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine Really.

Excellent I shall now dress like a Victoria’s secret model at your Grandfathers birthday, before I go on that diet.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

In this case we will accept a one word answer, seeing as they are your favourite.

1. You have enough clothes.

True but we don’t plan on continuing to wear 80’s fashion.

1. You have too many shoes.

That way they take longer to wear out and you get your monies worth.

1. I am in shape Round IS a shape!

How’s you heart and arteries? Are you feeling light headed? Any tingling in the arm?

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

I was thinking the dog kennel, but you should know that you’re mind readers remember.

Pass this to as many men as you can –
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can –
to give them a bigger laugh

Comment by Sarah

We, MEN, haven’t edited women rules. Why are women editing men rules?!?!

Comment by Bernard




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